When You are Confused about whether to Stay or Go

When You are Confused about whether to Stay or Go

  • If trivial matters are the reason for your skirmish.
  • If the very sound of your life partner’s voice irritates you.
  • If you have abused your spouse physically or emotionally.
  • If all the hopes of love has run out.
  • If your start discussing various family matters, and it later ends in disagreement and resentment.
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  • If you are not interested in making love with your spouse, and if you are not active sexually due to your disagreement with your spouse.
  • If the problems that you have recently solved keep resurfacing again and again, and if you are not reluctant to say that, you are the only person responsible for spoiling all the happiness of your family.
  • If you are consistently under attack from your spouse, and if you are not being respected by your spouse.
  • If you are willing to give what is needed to your children in your ex-spouse, and if you are still giving protection to your ex-spouse.
  • If your views on marriage is extremely different from your spouse’s, and if you find it very difficult to get accustomed to your spouse’s deleterious nature.
  • If you are not ready to compromise with your spouse.
  • If you think that your spouse is not faithful to you.
  • If you have a dream of your divorce or a dream of the death of your spouse.
  • If you have other plans.

 

If you think they are all nonsense.

 

  • File for divorce. You are unable to cope with the surroundings.
  • You will be bad. You are planning an unhealthy relationship.
  • You are emotionally weak enough not to overcome the stress. However don’t make rational decisions about anything, including the divorce.  Even though you are very depressed, try to make good all the deleterious situations with a strong mind.

If you have courage, self-esteem, honesty, self-respect, expectations and a good plan enough to live peacefully, discard confusion, and start loving your spouse.

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Posted by Marvellous Marriage - September 20, 2017 at 5:15 AM

Categories: Healthy Marriage Tips   Tags:

The Effects of a Happy Relationship With Your Spouse

The man who gets married to a woman really gets the benefit of leading a good as well as effective life. He can avoid the risk of driving drunk. He will be able to provide the best available resources and happiness to his spouse.  The female partner will have a mind to console him at the time of emergency.  He will eat better. He will enjoy all the available opportunities offered in life. The life will be most beautiful if both of them have a good relationship.

Marlene and Phil at the Manti Temple

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An unmarried man really goes without applying a break or clutch. What will be the result? They will fall prey to various activities that may be considered cheap and a nuisance in the eyes of others. Women normally pose no risky behaviour, unlike their spouses.

The traditional role of man is to provide his family with money and support, and in return the woman in the family tries to give him comfort, food, clothing, furnishing etc. The man who gets married to a well-mannered woman is lucky as he gets what he expects from her. It will lead to an atmosphere where the cool, calm and happy presence of your wife always makes you better.

Marriage is, no doubt, the best option in life to those who like to be consoled. Because you have a partner with you to help, the overall effect of a single life will take a new turn that may lead to satisfaction in life. Good relationships makes peace of mind.

 

 

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Posted by Marvellous Marriage - September 19, 2017 at 5:17 PM

Categories: Keys To A Successful Marriage   Tags:

Dealing With The In-Laws

Mother in law

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What is a six-letter English word that’s synonymous to love and care but if fused with another five letters makes it a fiendish living thing, an irreparable and mortifying plague that you would stay away from as much as possible? Yes, it’s “mother-in-law.” The word mother symbolises never-ending care and love, but with “in-law” at the end, it is given a whole new meaning that makes you shiver.

Many people are wary of their mothers-in-law. A bit of trivia from a tribe in Africa is a good example of this. An African male does something to his head so that his mother-in-law’s shadow doesn’t fall on his head.

Dealing with your own family is hard, but dealing with your in-laws is twice as tough. The pressure starts when they come over. Nasty comments. Criticisms. Meddling. Who can stand them?

Psychotherapists say that they usually get many patients days following celebrations like Thanksgiving and New Year’s. According to them, these holidays which are supposed to bring good tidings and make everyone jolly, instead become fighting grounds for family battles of the wit. Tensions are high enough to blow up a house. So, if you asked couples who have had not-so-happy in-law holiday experiences, they’d rather keep the celebrations private, no stress and no in-laws.

This is a perennial truth. Dealing with in-laws continues to be a challenge. For some people, this is an understatement.

 

 

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Posted by Marvellous Marriage - September 19, 2017 at 5:19 AM

Categories: Developing Healthy Relationships   Tags:

Gender Differences and Relationships

If asked to list down the differences between men and women, the average person would probably take hours to come up with such a list. Physically, men and women are obviously different. But can it possibly be a cause of contention? That men have bigger biceps or that they develop beer bellies and women, love handles? Not much. It’s the mental and emotional aspects that have caused a stir in the intellectual world. Hence, the concepts of male chauvinism, feminism, and double standards exist. Gender differences and inequality – these are what meaningful poems like Adrienne Rich’s “Diving Into The Wreck” are all about.

The Kiss

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Too many articles have already touched this topic – men are logical, and women are emotional. Actually, this has scientific basis. According to psychology professor Richard Haier, men have more gray matter in their brains, while women have more white matter. It doesn’t have a significant effect on their intelligence but on how they think.

Men live for activities. Women feed on feelings. Men don’t like distractions or too much talking when they work. Women tend to work better when in a group. Men are generally less talkative. Women, on the other hand, are more inclined to share their feelings. When a man has a problem, he retreats to think it over. A woman calls her friend to talk about the problem. Men tend to be less conscious about looking good. This is basically the reason why they don’t wear makeup or ask questions like “How do I look?” or “What colour suits me best?” Women, on the other hand, like to try diet and exercise fads. But of course, these can be taken as generalisations.

In a relationship, a husband puts importance on giving gifts to his wife. A wife isn’t touched by the gifts themselves but by the fact that her husband cares for her to give her such gifts. Women are more focused on the things happening behind the scene – the reason and the thought behind a gift, a dinner date, or a surprise. What men like is the idea that they can give things to their wives. Men like to provide. Women like to nurture thoughts.

Oftentimes, gender differences and stereotypes are dictated or emphasised by society. We refer to a male president as president. We call a female president a lady president. We’re amused at the idea of husbands staying at home to care for the kids. This same kind of thinking makes some women shine like Danica Patrick and Joan of Arc because we tend to think driving fast cars and becoming war heroes refer only to men. We have so categorised activities and preferences.

Gender differences do exist, but they shouldn’t be a cause of contention. We shouldn’t debate anymore on which is the weaker or stronger sex because the debate will just go on and on. Men don’t have the monopoly of the boardroom and the women, the kitchen. There are male CEOs, and there are female CEOs. There are housewives and house husbands. There are strong men as well as strong women. There are weaklings for men as there are weaklings for women.

Differences should spice up relationships, not divide. And this idea still wins nowadays. This is interesting. Perhaps, it’s safe to say that the things that make men and women different are what create the spark that draws them to have a relationship. A man and a woman are supposed to be different, but it’s amazing how they still end up together.

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Posted by Marvellous Marriage - September 18, 2017 at 5:16 PM

Categories: Save My Marriage Tips   Tags: , ,

Ways To Better Your Marriage

A perfect marriage doesn’t exist nor do perfect couples. However, if not perfect, you can at least make your marriage better. Communication and sharing your feelings are essentials to having a good marriage. Marriage is about two individuals making a vow to live as one for the rest of their lives. Constant nurturing is needed to keep the relationship healthy because neglecting it can lead to the couple drifting apart.

A Happy Marriage

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Problems arise and threaten to break the bond of marriage. The best way to approach these problems is to think of them as just tests meant to bring you closer as a couple. Having the right attitude in the midst of issues makes a lot of difference.

Empathy helps to better your marriage. It’s the capacity to identify with and share feelings felt by another. To empathise is to feel what the other feels. Thus, solving problems is a lot easier if you understand how your partner feels and thinks. To empathise with your spouse means you value his/her feelings and views. He or she won’t feel taken for granted.

Moreover, in resolving conflicts, always keep in mind that there are two people in the marriage. The solution should benefit both. If this is not met, it will create bigger problems and may lead to a more serious one.

Positivity brings peace to the relationship. When your marriage is put to the test, always try to look at the upside of things. If the situation is too bleak for humor, you can at least think that this one is meant to make you stronger. After all, you’re not the only person who’s in that situation. Everyone has problems. If others manage to make it through, so can you. Negativity will get you nowhere. Keeping your hopes high and taking things lightly will help clear your mind which in turn helps you think of the best solutions.

Stay calm when issues heat up. Don’t whine all the time. Don’t shout at each other. Don’t bring up issues of the past. Be open-minded. Respect your spouse’s views. Have regular conversations. Tell your spouse your hurts as well as your joys. Discuss worries, concerns, . Tell each other healthy jokes. Take some time off every now and then.

Think of ways to become better spouses for each other. Spend quality time alone. Do simple things like watching a movie, taking a walk, or having a leisurely dinner together. Making your marriage better doesn’t have to be always dealing with the abstract.

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Posted by Marvellous Marriage - September 18, 2017 at 5:19 AM

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Causes Of Marital Failure: Money, Sex, And Communication Problems

Causes Of Marital Failure: Money, Sex, And Communication Problems

Ways to Prevent Marital Failure

There are several reasons why a marriage fails.

Problems rooted in money, sex and communication are among the top reasons for marriage to fail.

Money Sex Communication
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Money or the lack of it is one major cause of marital strain. Low-income couples don’t have enough resources to cover all the needs of the family, resulting to stress, which eventually leads to disagreements, arguments, and then, if not helped, separation. Financial woes don’t only hit couples in the low-income bracket. Middle and high-income families also have their own issues with credit cards, car loans, and mortgages. It seems no one is free from debt. As the income goes higher, people tend to want to acquire higher or more expensive things. And this causes an imbalance in the financial aspect of the marriage.

So, how can this be prevented? First is to create financial goals. That is, set spending limits for each partner, up to how much each can spend per week. Second, though this may sound out-of-touch with reality, but try going without credit cards. Third, have a joint account. This way, you’ll have control over your spending because you’ll feel the need to inform each other about each withdrawal. Use the money to pay for household expenses like mortgage or rent, groceries, insurance, or children’s school fees. Though it may sound unacceptable for some, include your personal expenses in the household budget, so you won’t be tempted to splurge on unnecessary things because “someone’s always looking over your shoulder.” Lastly, open an account for your savings. It has been said that people should save 20% of their income each month. Don’t spend the money unless it’s extremely necessary.

If money issues have shaken your marriage, it’s not always too late to fix it. Talk and discuss solutions peacefully. Create a plan and stick with it. Take care of the debts one day at a time. If you’re allowed to pay in small installments, do so. Make necessary adjustments in your lifestyle. Learn to accommodate only the necessities. Live with what you have and not beyond what you can afford. If possible, tell your spouse about every spending you make. If you live with more money than you can probably spend, spend some in more meaningful ways like donating to shelters. This way, you’ll have a chance to grow together positively as a couple. You’ll also avoid wasting money on destructive things like vices.

Another common reason of marital failure is the absence of sex. Intimacy is very important in a marriage as it creates a bond between the spouses. When both are caught up in everyday realities, they tend to neglect the physical aspect of the relationship. The antidote to a sexless marriage is quality time together. Regularly take breaks from all those noise brought about by a hectic lifestyle. Learn to get cozy and spend quiet moments together.

Lack of time for each other isn’t the only factor behind a sexless marriage. Physical changes in a spouse also play a role in lack of intimacy. Weight gain, poor hygiene, or a dowdy fashion sense are among the biggest passion killers. Spend some time trying to look and smell your best for each other. A spouse that smells like dinner is more likely to be ignored than a spouse who freshly smells of soap or perfume.

Last but not the least, among the four major marriage busters is poor communication. A marriage lacking in conversations, discussions, and humor will likely crumble because the couple don’t know much about what each other is thinking or feeling. Conversations are like windows to your spouse’s thoughts and feelings. When you talk regularly, you’ll be able to share plans, dreams, and happenings. When you have regular discussions, you can sort out your issues and brainstorm solutions. Poor communication leads to detachment and isolation, feelings of “not knowing anymore the person you’re married to.” For the sake of your marriage, talk, joke around, and share stories about your day. You don’t have to talk about abstract things all the time. And oh, you can always fix each other a cup of coffee.

Marriage can become a volatile subject when you don’t deal with it with the right attitude, feelings, and reasons. The above are  just some tips you can try – simple but noteworthy. You can always seek a counsellor if you think your marital problems are already at a level that deserves professional advice other than practical suggestions.

Money, Sex and Communication are all inter-related as you will see in this video

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Posted by Marvellous Marriage - September 17, 2017 at 5:17 PM

Categories: Common Marital Problems   Tags:

Four Simple Steps To Save A Marriage Through Communication

Communication is an essential ingredient in a marriage. Majority of relationships fall apart because of misunderstandings due to poor communication. Couples are forced to go their separate ways as there comes a time when it looks like it’s too late to patch things up, and they don’t even get to talk things out. Being open with each other can save a marriage.

Happy Couple

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Here are four steps in effective communication that couples should know and apply in their relationship:

  1. Open Communication. Failed marriages are usually the result of lack of communication. If spouses don’t talk, they won’t be able to sort out their issues.  Negative feelings are bottled up. Tensions build. Disapproval of a spouse’s habits, actions, or decisions gradually turns into resentment. And this quiet resentment slowly builds up until the person can’t handle the pressure anymore. The time comes when all the pent-up anger and frustrations will just explode in nasty, heated arguments. If you do manage to keep your emotions under control, it won’t still solve anything because you won’t be able to get your issues off your back. They will just keep on resurfacing. Problems will remain unresolved if you and your spouse don’t come to the table to talk about them. Silence – when you should be talking – is a marriage killer. Choose a time when you’re both calm to try to talk. Practice honesty and openness but not to the point of blunt and rude. When you disapprove of something in your spouse, his or her attitude perhaps, don’t hesitate to speak out. The two of you won’t know if there’s a problem if you don’t communicate it with each other. Spew steam before things brew into big fights.
  2. Keep your marriage strong by listening. A couple should not only practice the habit of opening up their feelings, but also learn to listen to each other. Keep in mind that hearing is different from listening. A conversation or discussion is incomplete if you just talk and don’t listen. By giving ear to each other, you’ll be able to  connect, understand, and react effectively.
  3. Process what has been communicated. After couples talk and have finished expressing their feelings, they should be able to process and understand the things they have talked about. Reflecting on the points raised will eventually help you find solutions to your problems. When issues are sorted out and processed well, the way is now clear for plans and actions.
  4. Resolve issues the right way. Staying calm amid tensions isn’t easy, but it’s imperative if couples want to resolve issues properly. Screaming and shouting when confronting problems may help you express certain feelings, but they won’t solve anything.  Always deal with your problems with calmness and control.

Following these steps may be difficult at first, especially for those who are not comfortable in expressing themselves. But this is a better option than pushing for divorce or seeing your marriage fall apart.

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Posted by Marvellous Marriage - September 17, 2017 at 5:19 AM

Categories: Keeping Your Marriage   Tags:

Top Eight Tips To Save Your Marriage From Disaster

There are many reasons behind unsuccessful marriages; poor communication, boredom, nagging habits, and poor hygiene are examples. You may be communicating with your spouse in a way that courts arguments and tensions. You may not be taking care of yourself as you should be. Or you may not be spending enough time together.

Don’t lose hope. There are many ways you can save your marriage even though things are a little bit out of hand.

Couple

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  • Express yourself and talk about things. There a lot of things married couples can talk about – with benefits. For one, discussing problems with each other helps you find solutions. And don’t just talk. Listen to your spouse, and give value to his or her views. It may not always sound good, but if you’re more than willing to work things out, you’re on your way to a happier marriage.

 

  • Enjoy your individuality. Every person has his or her own mind. Being married doesn’t necessarily mean that you throw away your individuality. Allow your spouse to enjoy the things he or she loves. Loosen up. Don’t suffocate your spouse with your paranoia, irrational jealousy, and suspicions. Worrying about his or her whereabouts all the time won’t do your marriage good.

 

  • Be there for each other. Supporting your spouse in times of difficulty will strengthen your bond and with that, you will grow as a couple.

 

  • Give and take, but never expect. Smile and the world will smile back at you. Like in love, love and be loved. Never expect too much from your spouse, but this doesn’t mean you should hide your love or control it. Taking care of him or her and doing simple favours will boost your relationship. There’s a good chance you’ll get the same treatment from him or her.

 

  • Take care of yourself. Taking good care of yourself will do wonders for your marriage. If you cultivate a healthy mind and body, you become a happy person. And when you’re happy, the feeling radiates from you to the people around you. Coming home to a happy spouse is also coming home to a happy home.

 

  • Enjoy a day without your kids. Having regular dates with your spouse will help retain that feeling from your first date. Though family time is important, enjoying each other’s company without the kids will keep the romance alive in your relationship.

 

  • Live everyday as if it’s your last day. A lot of things may happen in a minute. You never know what’s in store for you tomorrow, so you might as well show your spouse how much he or she means to you. Never take him or her for granted. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Think of today. The present is a gift of life. Make it count by spending quality time with your spouse.

 

  • Don’t be “static.” Keep new things coming. Being boring is a big no-no in a relationship. When your spouse is bored, he or she might seek another person’s company, so keep things interesting. Surprise your him or her every now and then. Travel. Go to places both of you have never been to before. Explore each other’s interests. Be adventurous.

These are just a few out of the many positive things you can do to save your marriage. Nothing’s impossible unless you stop trying. Keep posted for more tips.

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Posted by Marvellous Marriage - September 16, 2017 at 5:16 PM

Categories: Tips For A Successful Marriage   Tags: ,

Causes Of Infidelity

Infidelity is one of the most common issues affecting a lot of marriages. The unfaithfulness of a spouse can bring on a major conflict with a devastating effect on the marriage, leading to divorce.

It is said that about 25% of husbands, if given a chance, would cheat on their wives. On the other hand, 15% of wives would cheat on their husbands.

Reasons for infidelity can range from disappointments to inadequacy. The spouse not being able “to fulfill one’s needs” is a common excuse for cheating.

Dentina'ya...

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Some Causes of Marital Infidelity:

  • Inability to cope with the spouse’s sexual needs
  • Unrealistic expectations of the spouse
  • Not having a sense of fun in the relationship
  • Lack of interest in sex
  • Hectic schedules; lack of time for each other
  • Boredom with the marriage
  • Physical changes in a spouse
  • Annoying habits

Do everything you can to keep your spouse satisfied. Fulfill his or her needs. Be fun to be with. Make your spouse laugh and always glad that he or has you. Spend adequate time with each other. Take care of yourself. Be interesting like you just met so as not to compel your spouse to seek someone else.

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Posted by Marvellous Marriage - September 16, 2017 at 5:17 AM

Categories: Resolving Conflicts In A Marriage   Tags: ,

Tips To Fix A Broken Marriage

 

Marriage is for a lifetime. It is a vow of two individuals to stay “together” for the rest of their lives. People marry because they’re in love or just want security. There are also those who marry as a result of traditional arrangements.

A perfect marriage does not exist. Problems and challenges are bound to happen. Everything seems perfect in the beginning, but later on, it gets tough. It’s having the right attitude and making the right decisions that will make the marriage work.

DES MOINES, IA - APRIL 27:  Jodie Vandermark-M...
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Understanding the root of the problem will make it easier to find the solution. In a marriage, there are a lot of difficulties couples are faced with. The following are some common marital conflicts and ways on how to overcome them.

•    Sexual Betrayal—Infidelity is hard to overcome. Time, they say, heals. But healing requires commitment of both parties to move on and forget in order to restore the relationship. Forgiveness is the key to moving forward and staying in a marriage. This isn’t as easy as it sounds, but the willingness of the couple to stay married, especially when there are children to consider, will make a difference. Counselling will also help the marriage during difficult times.

•    Money Crisis—One of the most common problems married couples face involves money. Financial woes have the potential to wreck homes and marriages. Money problems should not tear a couple apart but bring them closer together. Both should be working hand in hand to find solutions, not blaming each other.

•    Death of a Family Member—A loss of a loved one has the capacity to destroy a marriage because the bereaved person has the tendency to retreat and shut out the world, including his or her spouse, to grieve alone.  Instead of feeling rejected, the partner should have more patience and just be there as a listener.  His or her presence reminds the affected spouse that he or she hasn’t lost everything and everyone. For serious problems involving grief, it is best to consult a professional.

•    Not Enough Time—Time is important in every relationship. Spending enough with a person makes him or her realise that he or she is valued. Couples tend to drift apart when they don’t spend quality time together. This is common among working couples. Because each has his or her own agenda everyday, the other is neglected or not prioritized. If this happens all the time, communication is sacrificed. And good communication is a vital part of the lifeblood of a marriage. If this is cut off, a couple will stop understanding or connecting with each other which leads to arguments, detachment, and the silent marriage killer, boredom.

To have a successful marriage, a couple should have the capacity to forgive mistakes and have good communication and enough time together. It may not be a perfect union, but it will be a stable and happy one.

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Posted by Marvellous Marriage - September 15, 2017 at 5:15 PM

Categories: Can A Marriage Be Saved?   Tags:

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