Ways To Avoid Spousal Arguments

Ways To Avoid Spousal Arguments

Spousal

 

Have you ever had an intense argument with your spouse?

I’m sure you it’s not something you want to happen again. Both parties don’t gain anything from such ugly arguments but a damaged relationship. Most people don’t know how to handle tough situations like these and just retreat, hoping that the matter will just get fixed on its own.

If you don’t want to have nasty fights with your spouse, learn how to resolve the problem without criticising, yelling, and hurling insults. Let the love you feel for your spouse take control and not anger.

It is possible to Avoid Spousal Arguments

There are five things that a couple should consider to ensure good communication in a relationship. Don’t:

  • Argue on who’s right or wrong
  • Bring up past issues or problems
  • Lay blame if problems arise

Do:

  • Respect and understand each other’s point of view
  • Learn to negotiate so that a compromise can be reached

What You Should Avoid Unfortunately, when our spouse complains or verbally attacks us, our natural tendency is to show him or her that he or she is the one who is wrong—while we’re totally innocent. Have you ever told your spouse how wrong he or she was and he or she responded, “Yes, you’re right.”? It doesn’t happen that way. Arguing about who is right and who is wrong leads to escalating frustration. Quit blaming each other. It makes matters worse.

When your spouse verbally attacks you or begins to complain about certain matters, your instincts tell you to fight back and defend yourself. Throwing the blame back is wrong. It only feeds the argument.

Don’t bring up negative things of the past. If your spouse did something wrong long ago, and the matter was already settled, let it rest. Don’t use issues of the past just to prove that you’re right. If you do, your spouse will become more defensive and will be harder to deal with. Throwing past mistakes in your spouse’s face makes things more complicated.
When problems arise, why blame the spouse immediately? Is he or she the only one responsible for the relationship? These are questions you should ask yourself before you open your mouth. Solving problems doesn’t entail blaming and pointing fingers.

 

What You Should Do

Marriage will be filled with nasty arguments and disagreements if the simple don’ts are not avoided. There are two things you should always remember.

 

The first is, understand each point of view and respect it. As humans, we are each entitled to our own point of view. Respect your spouse’s opinions even if you disagree. When your spouse feels that you completely understand him or her, solving problems becomes easier. The second point is to ask for your spouse’s suggestions on how to solve your problems. Brainstorming for solutions is much more peaceful than arguing.

 

 

 

 

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Posted by Marvellous Marriage - November 18, 2017 at 5:17 AM

Categories: Common Marital Problems   Tags: , ,

Top Eight Tips To Save Your Marriage From Disaster

There are many reasons behind unsuccessful marriages; poor communication, boredom, nagging habits, and poor hygiene are examples. You may be communicating with your spouse in a way that courts arguments and tensions. You may not be taking care of yourself as you should be. Or you may not be spending enough time together.

Don’t lose hope. There are many ways you can save your marriage even though things are a little bit out of hand.

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  • Express yourself and talk about things. There a lot of things married couples can talk about – with benefits. For one, discussing problems with each other helps you find solutions. And don’t just talk. Listen to your spouse, and give value to his or her views. It may not always sound good, but if you’re more than willing to work things out, you’re on your way to a happier marriage.

 

  • Enjoy your individuality. Every person has his or her own mind. Being married doesn’t necessarily mean that you throw away your individuality. Allow your spouse to enjoy the things he or she loves. Loosen up. Don’t suffocate your spouse with your paranoia, irrational jealousy, and suspicions. Worrying about his or her whereabouts all the time won’t do your marriage good.

 

  • Be there for each other. Supporting your spouse in times of difficulty will strengthen your bond and with that, you will grow as a couple.

 

  • Give and take, but never expect. Smile and the world will smile back at you. Like in love, love and be loved. Never expect too much from your spouse, but this doesn’t mean you should hide your love or control it. Taking care of him or her and doing simple favours will boost your relationship. There’s a good chance you’ll get the same treatment from him or her.

 

  • Take care of yourself. Taking good care of yourself will do wonders for your marriage. If you cultivate a healthy mind and body, you become a happy person. And when you’re happy, the feeling radiates from you to the people around you. Coming home to a happy spouse is also coming home to a happy home.

 

  • Enjoy a day without your kids. Having regular dates with your spouse will help retain that feeling from your first date. Though family time is important, enjoying each other’s company without the kids will keep the romance alive in your relationship.

 

  • Live everyday as if it’s your last day. A lot of things may happen in a minute. You never know what’s in store for you tomorrow, so you might as well show your spouse how much he or she means to you. Never take him or her for granted. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Think of today. The present is a gift of life. Make it count by spending quality time with your spouse.

 

  • Don’t be “static.” Keep new things coming. Being boring is a big no-no in a relationship. When your spouse is bored, he or she might seek another person’s company, so keep things interesting. Surprise your him or her every now and then. Travel. Go to places both of you have never been to before. Explore each other’s interests. Be adventurous.

These are just a few out of the many positive things you can do to save your marriage. Nothing’s impossible unless you stop trying. Keep posted for more tips.

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Posted by Marvellous Marriage - November 17, 2017 at 5:17 PM

Categories: Tips For A Successful Marriage   Tags: ,

Causes Of Infidelity

Infidelity is one of the most common issues affecting a lot of marriages. The unfaithfulness of a spouse can bring on a major conflict with a devastating effect on the marriage, leading to divorce.

It is said that about 25% of husbands, if given a chance, would cheat on their wives. On the other hand, 15% of wives would cheat on their husbands.

Reasons for infidelity can range from disappointments to inadequacy. The spouse not being able “to fulfill one’s needs” is a common excuse for cheating.

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Some Causes of Marital Infidelity:

  • Inability to cope with the spouse’s sexual needs
  • Unrealistic expectations of the spouse
  • Not having a sense of fun in the relationship
  • Lack of interest in sex
  • Hectic schedules; lack of time for each other
  • Boredom with the marriage
  • Physical changes in a spouse
  • Annoying habits

Do everything you can to keep your spouse satisfied. Fulfill his or her needs. Be fun to be with. Make your spouse laugh and always glad that he or has you. Spend adequate time with each other. Take care of yourself. Be interesting like you just met so as not to compel your spouse to seek someone else.

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Posted by Marvellous Marriage - November 17, 2017 at 5:16 AM

Categories: Resolving Conflicts In A Marriage   Tags: ,

Tips To Fix A Broken Marriage

 

Marriage is for a lifetime. It is a vow of two individuals to stay “together” for the rest of their lives. People marry because they’re in love or just want security. There are also those who marry as a result of traditional arrangements.

A perfect marriage does not exist. Problems and challenges are bound to happen. Everything seems perfect in the beginning, but later on, it gets tough. It’s having the right attitude and making the right decisions that will make the marriage work.

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Understanding the root of the problem will make it easier to find the solution. In a marriage, there are a lot of difficulties couples are faced with. The following are some common marital conflicts and ways on how to overcome them.

•    Sexual Betrayal—Infidelity is hard to overcome. Time, they say, heals. But healing requires commitment of both parties to move on and forget in order to restore the relationship. Forgiveness is the key to moving forward and staying in a marriage. This isn’t as easy as it sounds, but the willingness of the couple to stay married, especially when there are children to consider, will make a difference. Counselling will also help the marriage during difficult times.

•    Money Crisis—One of the most common problems married couples face involves money. Financial woes have the potential to wreck homes and marriages. Money problems should not tear a couple apart but bring them closer together. Both should be working hand in hand to find solutions, not blaming each other.

•    Death of a Family Member—A loss of a loved one has the capacity to destroy a marriage because the bereaved person has the tendency to retreat and shut out the world, including his or her spouse, to grieve alone.  Instead of feeling rejected, the partner should have more patience and just be there as a listener.  His or her presence reminds the affected spouse that he or she hasn’t lost everything and everyone. For serious problems involving grief, it is best to consult a professional.

•    Not Enough Time—Time is important in every relationship. Spending enough with a person makes him or her realise that he or she is valued. Couples tend to drift apart when they don’t spend quality time together. This is common among working couples. Because each has his or her own agenda everyday, the other is neglected or not prioritized. If this happens all the time, communication is sacrificed. And good communication is a vital part of the lifeblood of a marriage. If this is cut off, a couple will stop understanding or connecting with each other which leads to arguments, detachment, and the silent marriage killer, boredom.

To have a successful marriage, a couple should have the capacity to forgive mistakes and have good communication and enough time together. It may not be a perfect union, but it will be a stable and happy one.

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Posted by Marvellous Marriage - November 16, 2017 at 5:18 PM

Categories: Can A Marriage Be Saved?   Tags:

Are Men Really From Mars And Women From Venus?

Gender Issues Have Two Faces.

Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. One way or another, we have accepted this adage as true. There have been many studies about gender differences, and this line seems to confirm and summarise their findings. It’s unclear whether society feeds studies, or studies feed society. Feminists, proponents of equal rights and equal opportunities, have existed since ancient times. But then, even in our postmodern world, it seems many still view them as radicals. 

Mars and Venus United by Love .

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The idea that men and women behave and perceive things differently is not a baseless claim. It actually has scientific basis. A study headed by Dr. Richard Haier, a psychologist at University of California in Irvine, connects gender differences to the “architecture” of men and women’s brains. It explains that men have more grey matter in their brains than women. On the other hand, women have more white matter in their brains than men. Does this have a significant effect on intelligence? Does it tell us which sex is more intelligent? No. The results only indicate that men and women use different paths to intelligence. In simple terms, men and women may do equally well on IQ tests, but they differ in the way they think. Their sensibilities and how they handle situations vary.

Author Cris Evatt developed an interesting summary of men and women’s different attributes. These are some of the points he raised:

Men take things literally. Women look for hidden meanings.

  • A man is taken in by visuals.  A woman is gifted with intuition. She can read people. She can analyse between the lines and give meanings to gestures and actions. She’s an expert with clues.

Men focus on solutions. Women like to discuss problems.

  • A man may approach problem-solving like this:

“Here’s what we do. Take it out. Chop off. We don’t need it. Get rid of it.” He wants matters to be dealt with immediately. A woman tends to approach problems like someone who is flaking meat. She simply doesn’t want an overview. She wants an in-depth analysis. “Where did this problem begin? What are our options? What are the consequences of choosing option 1? Let’s have an option number 5.”

Men are less willing to seek help. Women seek help more readily.

  • They say men don’t ask for directions. They’d rather get lost than admit to anyone that they’re lost. Women, on the other hand, naturally call their friends at the slightest news and are more likely to ask for advice in times of problems.

Men make decisions quicker. Women take more time to decide.

  • Men want to approach situations logically. Women want to talk about how they feel about situations. They say a woman’s mind is as changeable as the weather. Her decisions are often dictated by her emotions.

Over the years, writings, scientific and literary, have often highlighted these ideas:

Women are personal.

  • A woman values relationships and emotional ties. She has more close friends and is comfortable in groups. She doesn’t mind sharing her feelings. A man puts a premium on dominance and competition. He prefers watching basketball to attending tea parties.

Men want to think of solutions on their own. Women want to talk about how they feel about the solutions.

  • A man likes to solve problems on his own. When something is bothering him, he tends to withdraw and prefers not to talk about it. Now, a woman, naturally intuitive, senses that something is wrong. She likes asking questions. She feels that she can’t solve a problem without talking about it. 

In the 1972 book,  The Future of Marriage, Jessie Bernard emphasised the stark differences between men and women in terms of how they view marriage. Bernard said that there are two sides to the relationship, his side and her side. The book highlighted the idea that men and women think and behave differently. Many of today’s writings still hold the same views. Society has managed to consistently paint men as sports coaches and women as kitchen divas. Every now and then, someone disagrees and gets branded as a radical.

This is despite the fact that there have been thousands of studies and writings that say otherwise. These studies indicate that men and women may behave differently, but it doesn’t mean they have different basic needs. For instance, they may react to situations differently, but both give value to commitment.

Among the most notable findings are those of Janet Shibley Hyde of the University of Wisconsin-Madison. She based her conclusions on evidence from studies in the following areas:

Cognitive – e.g. mental skills like reading and comprehension

Communication Variables – e.g. speech and facial expressions

Social – e.g. behaviour in a group

Psychological – e.g. how one copes with life

Motor – e.g. flexibility

Others – e.g. jobs and computer habits

Dr. Hyde found that 78% of the differences between men and women are small and don’t have as much impact as opposed to what most of us are predisposed to believe. The three areas in which men and women differ are the following:

Attitude towards sex –

Men and women have different views about sexuality.

Level of aggression –

Men are more aggressive than women.

Motor skills –

Men are better at physical activities like jumping and running.

A recent study in Melbourne (Karantzas, Feeney, Goncalves, & McCabe, 2010) follows the same premise, that men and women are not so different after all.

This study was anchored on the idea that the only way a clear conclusion about gender differences could be achieved was by having real couples examined as a unit and not individuals from different relationships. The respondents were composed of couples who were attending relationship education programs.

Like Dr. Hyde’s findings, the results indicate no significant differences between men and women.

  • Both men and women have low levels of insecurities when it comes to attachment.
  • Both men and women value support, trust, and intimacy,
  • Both men and women are moderately satisfied with their relationship.
  • Married couples are more committed to the relationship.
  • Both men and women get more committed to the relationship as time goes by.

Men and women may appear different, but they have basic needs. Both want to belong and form relationships. Both have the need to fall in love and be loved. We can’t get more basic than that.

What are some of the sad effects of living with the idea that men and women are created differently, therefore, view relationships differently?

  • Irreconcilable differences remain irreconcilable differences.

Couples may easily give up on their relationship and blame it all on the idea that men and women don’t speak the same language.

  • Personal growth may be limited.

Take for example a boy who, deep in his heart, wants to be a ballet dancer. But he is  discouraged by his friends’ comments about ballet being only for girls. He bypasses his opportunity for personal development by choosing to play sports where his abilities are mediocre. His real talent is wasted. 

Gender stereotypes can result to much unhappiness, arguments, failures, tensions,and many more. On the other hand, some proponents may argue that differences do exist but you can always work around them. For instance, use them to make the relationship more exciting. Opposite poles do attract.

But putting all those scientific studies aside; on a practical sense, John does need love as much as Jenny needs love. Andy may want  to have “buddies” and Anne, “girlfriends.” But the basic idea here is: Both value friends and relationships. 

So, are men really from Mars and women from Venus? Or are they both from planet Earth?

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Posted by Marvellous Marriage - November 16, 2017 at 5:15 AM

Categories: Resolving Conflicts In A Marriage   Tags:

Ways to Improve Your Marriage

Hanh Dung - Son

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  • Be honest.
  • We have to support achievements and goals made by each other.
  • Your spouse is your intimate friend and life partner in your marriage.
  • Give them equal status.
  • Share your dreams and ideas with your partner to achieve goals in your life.
  • Laugh together twice a day.
  • Share your dreams.
  • Always have a mind to forgive each other.
  • Be kind towards each other.
  • Always make decisions together about chores, holidays, finances etc.
  • Make time to work together.
  • Be patient.
  • Be romantic always.
  • Bear in mind that you are not inferior to your spouse.
  • You are not superior to your spouse.

Your marriage is your life, so keep it safe.

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Posted by Marvellous Marriage - November 15, 2017 at 5:18 PM

Categories: Marriage Tips For Newlyweds   Tags:

Treat Your Spouse Like A Pet?

Psychologists believe that treating your spouse like a pet will improve your relationship. Think of the way you care for your dog or cat and the endless fun you have when you play with them. Can you do the same to your partner? Sure, you can. People always have a soft spot for their pets. They tend to love them and consider them as part of their family. Psychologists have concluded that couples can be happier when they shower the same love and fondness to their spouse as they do to their pets.

First dance as husband and wife

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When they get home from work, people greet their pets lovingly. Why not do the same thing to your spouse? As you open the door to your house, give your spouse a big hug and a kiss on the lips. No matter how bad the situation is at your work and how stressed you are, the sight of your pet just lifts you up. Your spouse should have the same effect on you.

Whatever your pets may have done, like pee on the carpet, steal food from the counter, or poop on your lawn, you forgive them because you love them so much. You accept them their shortcomings because you care for them. This should also be practiced by couples. Forgiving your spouse when he or she commits a mistake will make your relationship happier. When your pet messes up, it’s not enough to ruin your day and guess what? Your spouse’s mistakes aren’t either.

Pets don’t hold grudges against their owners. They don’t have fears of getting betrayed or being left behind. Imagine if you and your spouse had the same thinking as your pet. How peaceful it would be to just fully trust each other and enjoy each other’s company always. Treating your spouse like a pet won’t only earn you warm hugs but a shot at a lasting marriage.

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Posted by Marvellous Marriage - November 15, 2017 at 5:15 AM

Categories: Developing Healthy Relationships   Tags:

How Will We Love

How Will We Love

 

 

 

by: http://www.howwillwelove.com

How Will We Love is a deeply touching video, Please Watch.

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Posted by Marvellous Marriage - November 14, 2017 at 5:18 PM

Categories: Keys To A Successful Marriage   Tags:

Common Problems Married Couples Face

problems married couples face

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Common Problems Married Couples Face

Married life has many issues. You are truly efficient if you remain on top of these issues. Relationships can be complicated. You need some good training. You need to be well-equipped.

You went for training when you took up your university course. When you were in high school, you were trained in language, science, or mathematics. But did you get trained on how to handle marital issues? It’s highly likely your teachers never taught you how to be a good spouse. After all, marriage doesn’t come with an academic handbook or manual. No one warned you it was going to be this challenging. Marital issues can’t be measured in Celsius or Fahrenheit, though happiness can increase, children can multiply, and food can be divided.

Married life is unlike school life. When you pass the tests, you don’t get flying colors but happiness and good reasons to stay together. When you fail, you don’t get bad grades, but you get divorced. You only get trained as the issues come.

Some Common Problems Married Couples Face


1. Infidelity

The most common reason for infidelity is a person’s dissatisfaction with his or her spouse. According to a Reuters article, among the top passion-killers are weight gain, snoring, poor hygiene, poor bathroom habits, and lapsed fashion sense. Other passion-killers are nagging, blaming, irrational jealousy, and other unpleasant behaviors.

2. Sexual Problems

Sex is a bond shared by married couples. Lack of intimacy results to detachment, which in turn, results to boredom. One cause behind lack of intimacy is lack of time. Couples become too caught up in daily practicalities that they barely have time for each other or are too tired to do anything else after a hard day’s work.

3. Other Problems 

Impotence and other health problems have a significant effect on the sexual aspect of the relationship, with the affected spouse not being able to get intimate. As a result, his or her spouse’s sexual needs are not met. Other problems that affect sexual behavior include insecurities and history of sexual abuse.

4. Financial problems

Inadequate funds have the potential to wreck a marriage wherein the couple’s income cannot suffice for the household expenses. Financial woes lead to arguments, insecurities, and other things which are unhealthy for the marriage. Some couples who have more than enough face a different set of issues – spending money on material things they don’t really need and on destructive habits like gambling and alcoholism.

5. Children

Couples disagreeing and differing on how they should raise their children is not a rare scenario.

6. Religions Differences

Couples who are in interfaith marriages may find it challenging to adjust to each other. As they have different preferences on matters of faith, some may find it hard to make compromises and establish a middle ground in the relationship.

7. Boredom

Eventually, the honeymoon feelings wear off. Couples who mistakenly believe that marriage is all about sparks are in for a disappointment. Marriage holds a far deeper meaning than getting butterflies in the stomach. When the initial thrill is gone, and they settle into daily married life, many couples discover that marriage is not as rose-colored as they thought. But it doesn’t mean they can’t get the romance back forever.

Common Problems Married Couples Face should be sorted at the first warning signs

At the first warning signs of the issues above, it’s wise to act immediately. For instance, if you feel that romance is starting to slip off your fingers, do something to get a good hold of it and never let go.

Marriage doesn’t come with a manual, but remedies are always available to those who really seek them.

 

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Posted by Marvellous Marriage - November 14, 2017 at 5:17 AM

Categories: Common Marital Problems, Making Marriage Work   Tags:

Show Your Love

Love ? I love love love you.

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Most people would like their marriage to last. They try their best to keep their love strong. How many of them succeed? Realistically speaking, not everyone of them gets to overcome the mountain of challenges. You can do better if you know how to love your spouse.

1. Make your spouse your priority. Don’t waste any chance to express your love for him or her. Spend time together. No TV. No phone. No distractions.

2. Give your spouse a kiss before you leave the house or before you sleep.

3. Hug your spouse several times a day.

4. Always use a gentle tone and nice words when talking to your spouse. Affirm what he or she says. Avoid harsh criticisms.

5. Words can do magic to your relationship. Give your spouse the best compliments he or she has ever heard.

6. Take your spouse somewhere with a romantic view.

7. Make your spouse laugh. If you can laugh together, it means you’re doing well.

8. Write love notes. Tuck them in interesting places like between book pages or under the pillow.

9. Take your spouse for a walk regularly.

10. Take your spouse to the movies.

11. Help around with the chores.

12. Have a special dinner date once a month.

13. Don’t forget your wedding anniversary or your spouse’s birthday.

14. Accept your spouse for what he or she is, but correct him or her gently if needed. It’s for his or her own good. Don’t be stingy with forgiveness when your spouse commits a mistake.

15. Encourage your spouse in every good thing he or she is pursuing.

Lifelong joy is possible in your marriage if you know how to love and show your love.

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Posted by Marvellous Marriage - November 13, 2017 at 5:17 PM

Categories: Keys To A Successful Marriage   Tags:

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