How To Stop Divorce and save Your Marriage?
How to stop divorce is a question that will be relevant both during normal times and during the time when your marriage is in trouble. If you understand the institution of marriage and follow the rules of a sound marriage, the prospect of divorce will never arise. But sometimes, you find that certain developments have taken place which appear to be leading towards a marriage break up, with divorce appearing inevitable. In such a situation, you are naturally concerned with the question how to stop divorce. First thing you should remember is that however grave the situation may appear to be, you can still do a few things to save your marriage. But convince yourself that you don’t want the divorce however bitter things might have developed between you and your spouse.
Here are a few suggestions to stop Divorce
1) Make yourself a more agreeable person: I am not suggesting for a moment that that you have not been conducting yourself in an agreeable way. You may have been conducting yourself in an exemplary way. But a little self examination is not going to hurt. On the other hand, it may do you a lot of good. Your thought process should run like this: ‘There are certain things about me which my spouse doesn’t seem to like. (Otherwise, why should the question of divorce arise at all?) Can I think of the things which he doesn’t like about me and do something about them?’ When you adopt this approach, you will find to your surprise that you are able to zero in on a couple of things about you that you can change for the better. And once you do this, you will find a dramatic improvement in your spouse’s attitude towards you. Please note that I am not asking you to give up your individuality and surrender to the whims of your spouse. All that is required are a few changes which you will not mind implementing. The chances are you will like the changes yourself!
2) Don’t react sharply to your spouse’s proposal for divorce: You can’t stop divorce by angrily dismissing the idea. Your spouse may be expecting you to react violently to the idea so that it will lead to an altercation and culminate in a situation warranting divorce. React cautiously. Say you will think about it. Once you are able to prevent an immediate flare up, you can eventually drop hints that you can still make up, stop divorce and save your marriage.
3) Do not make the mistake of taking your partner for granted: One thing that is universally disliked is being taken for granted. If you are concerned with how to stop divorce, then you should be careful in dealing with your spouse. Don’t dismiss their views or suggestions lightly. If you disagree with your spouse, do it agreeably. Acknowledge the merit of their views and then say that you have a different view. If you want to bring your spouse around to accepting your stand, do it gently. If there is resistance, leave it for the moment. A calm and judicious handling of the differences will ensure that you both will learn to respect each other’s views.
How to stop divorce will no longer be a haunting question.
Helpful tips for someone wondering “can my marriage be saved?”
Today more than any other time in the history of marriage, the rate of divorce has multiplied to some unbelievable levels. There is an increased concern from all quarters as people ask the question “can my marriage be saved?” almost every day. The institution of marriage seems to be in trouble today more than any other time in history. It is important to understand that any marriage can be saved if only the two people involved are willing to have it healed.
Have you been asking how “can my marriage be saved?” Well, there are numerous things that you should understand if this is the situation you are in. Below are some of the things that you should consider:
Can my marriage be saved by admitting that I need help?
To begin with, you must never shy away from admitting that your marriage is in deep trouble and that you need help. A spouse who has this question in their mind would want things to appear normal from outside but the truth of the matter is that this does not help in any way. The first step towards the healing of your marriage does not lie in just wondering “can my marriage be saved?” but in what you do after this question has risen in your mind.
Your marriage can be saved by working together with your spouse.
Never assume that things will work themselves out miraculously. Many people normally bury their heads in the sand ignoring or totally pretending that the problem will disappear on its own. You must come up with a plan that includes identifying the problem and how to go about it. It must be noted, however, that this is not an easy thing to do. It is, however, also worth noting that divorce is not the easiest thing to do. If you can’t solve the issue on your own, then discuss seeking a counsellor’s help in order to save you marriage.
Marriage can be saved by understanding that your marriage is heading towards divorce
Those asking “can my marriage be saved” normally do so after having suffered for too long and are almost on the brink of divorce. It is important to agree that the problem is not one-sided; it involves the two people in the marriage and therefore, the solution can only come from the two. Pointing fingers and the blame game is not the way to go and each spouse should look deep within themselves to see their contribution to the problem. Be flexible and seek to make things better by compromising during the solution seeking moments.
Many who have been wondering how “can my marriage be saved?” normally lack the patience to deal with issues amicably. Many normally see divorce as the better way, but the truth of the matter is that this is more painful than humbling through the process of healing. Repairing a marriage in trouble takes more than a few hours and patience is of great importance. You must give full attention to the process.
Can my marriage be saved by asking for professional help?
Professional help from a pastor or counsellor is also important if you are wondering “how can my marriage be saved?” and especially if the problems are more than you can handle between the both of you. The involvement of a third party should come as one of the last things you do.
It is important to note that every marital problem can be solved instead of ending in divorce. There is never a perfect spouse and leaving your spouse for another person will only be like jumping from a pan into a flame of fire. With patience, you will find that the power to answer the question on “how can my marriage be saved” lies within you and your spouse.
Categories: Can A Marriage Be Saved?, Causes Of Divorce, Causes Of Marital Failure, Commitment, Common Marital Problems, Developing Healthy Relationships, Healthy Marriage Tips, Let's Go Together, Loving Your Marriage, Making Marriage Work, Resolving Conflicts In A Marriage, Restoring Trust In A Marriage, Save My Marriage Tips Tags: Healing a Broken Marriage, helpful tips, how to stop your divorce and save your marriage, Keeping Your Marriage, Marriage, Marriage Tips For Newlyweds, Ways to Better Your Marriage
Importance of Marriage Counselling
Does it Work Well?
If you find that your marriage is experiencing a lot of problems, you should seek professional assistance. You can either seek the services of a counsellor or consult a psychiatrist.
You will get some answers to the questions regarding how one can make the most of the services offered by marriage counselling centres.
Take a look at the questions mentioned below:
Get married at an early age?
Are you a college graduate?
Do you come from a low-income group?
Are you in an inter-faith marriage?
Are your parents divorced?
Do you have a habit of criticising?
Is there a lot of defensiveness in your marriage?
Do you have a habit of withdrawing from your spouse?
Are you feeling content with your partner?
If you answered “Yes” to any or all of the above questions, you are indeed at high risk of divorce.
If you act in a positive manner, you will get the same from your spouse. Efficiency to communicate well with your spouse, ability to eliminate skirmish in your marriage and your interest to help your spouse in all their dealings, will add to the chance of avoiding the ultimate decision of divorce.
How Effective is Marriage Counselling?
One thing is very clear. The professional marriage counselling provides will have a positive impact and reduce the risk of divorce. So it is better to get the advice from a reliable source.
Let’s set aside the facts obtained from some study on marriage counselling that marriage counselling is not as effective as what you think.
Young couples, couple subjected to therapy, those who are still in love, and those who are not interested in sex are people who can make of marriage counselling.
But those who have waited too long before seeking help have the least chance of making the most of their marriage counselling.
See the Happy Couples. Seek their Help from Marriage Counselling
According to Gottman some people are very efficient in handling their disagreement and resentment due to their affection and friendship. They can easily manage the problems arising out of either silly or severe stresses.
Gottman’s remark under this context is important. He says that rather than trying to change the marriage, if communication skills are taught to them, there may be a steep diminishing number in marriage cases.
So go to seek professional marriage counselling or a marriage course before the problem gets any bigger.
What are some basic steps to make your marriage work? Marriage may seem commonplace, but it’s a lot more complex than what meets the eye. But it doesn’t mean you always have to do grand things to make it work. Can you honestly say you’re doing everything as a spouse? Do you know that with just some simple steps, you can do your marriage a big favor? If not, here are some tips:
You should never fail to talk to your spouse even for just a few minutes every day. Sharing positive thoughts and talking lightly about anything will do wonders for your marriage. Have a walk together in the afternoon. Talk about your day over dinner. Share something about your favorite sports star or favorite TV show.
Do you find it very difficult to give your spouse a compliment? The only solution is to learn how to give compliments! “That shade of blue is perfect for you,” isn’t very difficult to say, right? Your spouse may have something nice to say to you as well.
Sometimes, your spouse may have a different opinion on some matters. Don’t reject his or her views. If the subject is pointless, just quit talking about it. Switch to a different topic.
As you’re probably busy with work, moments that you get to spend with your spouse are valuable. Don’t spend them arguing but telling each other funny things. Private jokes are great conversation pieces.
These may be simple tips, but remember that when put together, little things become big things. You have all the communication tools you need – words, voice, and mouth. For the sake of your marriage, talk!
Identifying major marriage issues and how to deal with them
With the rate of divorce and separations rising with every dawning day, there are many marriage issues that one cannot simply ignore. Ignoring these issues will only work to the quick destruction of the marriage relationship something that will create long lasting heartbreak affects the involved couples. One can, however, be able to mend the relationship progressively by resisting the temptation to ignore these marriage issues when they arise.
To be able to deal with the marriage issues amicably, one will have to understand what they are and the impact they have on the relationship. It is always effective when you are fighting an enemy you know rather than beating your punches against the air. There are many marriage issues as outlined below, but the truth of the matter is that every marriage is unique, just as every couple is unique.
one of the many challenges that couples have in a marriage is with communication
- One of the main marriage issues dogging many couples today is the issue of communication. This can be said to be a result of great dynamics between the husbands and wives as they are created. Men are generally the “quieter” lot, while women have a lot to say concerning life and issues. It is unfortunate that many couples do not know how to handle these dynamics, leading to a whole lot of marriage issues. A couple must learn the best way to communicate with each other if the marriage is to work. Husbands should learn how to listen to their wives more as the wives learn how to handle the personality of the husband.
Learn to forgive in order to help resolving your marriage issues
- Some marriage issues today are a result of lack of forgiveness. While couples should mature more and develop some positive traits progressively, it is bad to expect your spouse to be perfect. Issues that have been solved and discussed should be let go of and not revisited again. Avoid rehearsing your spouse’s mistakes at a later date after they have been solved.
Lack of money another source that creating lots of marriage issues and creates clashed in a relationship
- Money is another source of grave marriage issues today. Many marriages have crumbled and couples parted way simply because they could not agree on matters to do with finances. Some argue on the way money is spent, while others stress, since they feel like what they have is not enough. Couples should plan their finances together and avoid trying to live beyond their means. This will help in easing the pressure on the marriage and this will definitely put a lot of marriage issues to bed. Talk about your finances freely and not only on how to spend, but also how you earn the money that you need.
Your marriage issues it’s your privet issues no need let other to interfere in your relationship
- Avoid allowing other people to come between you as a couple. In-laws and friends can be a source of many marriage issues and the space they are allowed to have in your marriage should be very minimal. While you cannot shut them out completely, you should know what to let in from them as well as how to filter their words and influence on either of you. They are good, but remember this is not their marriage, it’s yours.
There are dozens of other marriage issues which, if not handled carefully, could lead to divorce or separation, a route that you would not want to travel. That, which you cannot solve alone, invites other mature couples or professionals to help you.
Categories: Can A Marriage Be Saved?, Causes Of Divorce, Causes Of Marital Failure, Challenges Of Interracial Marriages, Common Marital Problems, Common Mistakes Interfaith Couples Make, Keeping Your Marriage, Making Marriage Work, Ways Of Making Marriage Work Tags: Common Marital Problems, Divorce, effects of a happy relationship, Fix Marriage, marriage conflict, marriage difficulties, marriage issues, Relationship Problems
What Couples Need To Do To Keep Their Marriage
Keeping a marriage healthy is challenging. It becomes even more challenging especially for a couple whose relationship is falling apart. They might be considering filing for divorce in order to free themselves. But for those who are still willing to try to save their marriage, they might want to consider these relationship tips and give their relationship another chance.
Keep your Marriage requires preparation and some work.
Dealing with issues in a marriage needs mental and emotional preparation. Going through divorce can be devastating. There’s no one prepared enough for this. Somebody’s bound to get hurt, frustrated, and dejected going through the process.
Talking to each other and being open about things are just some ways to saving a marriage. Communication is very important in any relationship because it fosters understanding between partners. They will only know what went wrong if they learn to sit down and listen to each other. It isn’t always easy, but if they are really sincere in making things work, their willingness will show in their efforts.
Couples should also consider visiting a marriage counsellor. Forget about the stigma of getting professional help to make one’s marriage work. There’s nothing wrong with seeking advice. Counsellors have enough experience about this type of situations and can provide practical solutions. This is a good option for couples who are desperate for anything to bail them out of a mess.
Nasty fights and unnecessary arguments should be avoided. Problematic couples tend to fight over small things. Arguing, even if their aim is to sort out their issues, won’t help. It would be best if the husband or wife speak their minds and express their feelings while maintaining calmness and gentleness of tone. That is, to stop being defensive if they want to be heard.
If you are serious about keeping your marriage do what ever it takes.
These tips can help improve your relationship or may even save your marriage. Going through marital problems is never easy, but it’s never too late to patch things up with each other. Before you think of divorce, consider saving your relationship first as you have many chances for a happy marriage.
Three Year Glitch Outdoes Seven Year Itch
This sounds like a death sentence for romance. The lifespan of passion has been shortened significantly. According to a recent Reuters article, a survey done on 2,000 British adults in steady relationships indicated that the three-year mark is the point when relationships turn sour and passion cools down.
When the relationship is new, everything seems to be rose-coloured, but the initial thrill eventually wears off for most couples as they settle into marriage. Everybody goes past the honeymoon stage. Roses get wilted. Moonlight and stars give way to broad daylight practicalities. A wife may like reading books more than talking to her husband. A husband may prefer watching sports to listening to his wife. Candlelight dinners turn into cold suppers.
Certain habits, which used to be tolerable, evolve into big irritants.Snoring, which used to be quite cute,becomes a major annoyance. The tolerance threshold goes down with the hormones. One indicator of how your romance is faring is the frequency of compliments you get from your spouse. During the first few years of the relationship, you might get an average of three compliments per week. After you hit the three-year mark, you might only get an average of one. As your relationship gets older, you might get virtually none.
Three Year Glitch is the Seven Year Itch thanks to our fast paced lives
Below are the factors behind the three-year itch. The Reuters article calls them “niggles” and “passion-killers”.
1. Weight gain/lack of exercise, 13 percent
2. Money & Spend thriftiness, 11 percent
3. Anti-social working hours, 10 percent
4. Hygiene issues (personal cleanliness), 9 percent
5. In-Laws/extended family – too much/too little, 9 percent
6. Lack of romance (sex, treats etc.), 8 percent
7. Alcohol – drinking too much, 7 percent
8. Snoring & anti-social bedtime habits, 6 percent
9. Lapsed fashion-Same old underwear/clothes, 4 percent
10. Bathroom habits – Stray nail cuttings etc., 4 percent
We notice that weight gain and money matters are up there on the list. This goes to show that people give more weight to the physical and financial aspects when they evaluate the success of the relationship. Based on the survey, no matter how we say that looks don’t matter in love, that beer belly still has an effect on your spouse.
Three-Year Glitch does not have to affect your marriage nor does the Seven-Year Itch
This may sound totally negative, but it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s hopeless. Feelings are not totally irrevocable. When you feel that your romance is slipping off your fingers, clinical psychologist Todd Dunn has a solution – reconnect with your spouse. Talk and have conversations, without distractions. Speak your mind. It won’t hurt if you suggest to your spouse that he or she pick up that dirty towel from the floor or dress more attractively. Inject new things into the relationship each day. Compliment your spouse. “You’re beautiful” and “That’s nice” still work wonders. The biggest antidote to the three-year itch: Love and be “lovable” and stay interesting.
When You Disapprove Of Your Child’s Marriage
If your child has chosen to be with someone you don’t approve of, it’s bound to have some negative effects on the family. No matter what your views are, it’s important to always keep your emotions under control to avoid destroying the relationship you have with him or her.
Here are some points to consider when you dissaprrove of your child’s marriage :
- If your son or daughter is not of legal age yet to get married but is planning to obtain a marriage license in an illegal way, don’t give your consent.
- Advise your son or daughter to think the matter over and over.
- Take the opportunity to get to know your son or daughter’s partner better. Sometimes, we only form certain opinions of people because we haven’t met them yet.
- Your disapproval of the partner should not be a reason to reject the views of your son or daughter.
- Don’t be too negative. Have an open mind.
- Never stop giving advice to your son or daughter, but not in a way that adds to the confusion of the situation.
- Trust your son or daughter, but don’t remove your guiding hand.
- Ask your son or daughter to seek premarital counselling.
- Don’t create a gap between you and your son or daughter. Don’t ostracise him or her from the family.
Remember even if you Disapprove of your child’s Marriage you do not want to ostracise them
Even though your unwillingness to accept your son or daughter’s partner will have an impact on your family, try to be patient and level-headed. Don’t let it affect your relationship with him or her or make you love him or her less.
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You marriage is head for trouble: Some Warning Signs
Do you think that every marriage will have its own warning signs when problems arise?
Read the following signs:
It may be a sign when both of you seemed to have withdrawn from one another.
You are not fighting fair.
A lot of nit picking between you and your spouse is under way.
There is no fun happening in your family.
Your way of thinking is mixed with loneliness; that is to say, you don’t like your spouse to talk to you. You intentionally stay away from them.
You tend to nag one another. Your respect for your spouse has diminished.
You don’t agree with goals and values your spouse has told you about.
Your tendency to feel suspicious increases every day.
Any untoward incidents occurring in your married life means your problems are getting further out of hand.
If your spouse tries to isolate you from family and friends, it may a red flag, signalling a dangerous journey in your marriage.
You find out that your spouse used to tell lie about money.
You think that you would be happy if your spouse was always away from you.
Any kind of emotional abuse in your marriage is a warning sign.
According to Scott Haltzman, all the necessary advice to solve the problems faced by you and your spouse may only be picked up by you and your spouse. You don’t need to seek the advice of others to mend the gap.
One very important thing
It will not be better to wait till you get professional help through marriage counselling. Let the communication continue. Before your marriage is broken, talk about the final step to solve the problems as a responsible spouse.
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Common Problems Married Couples Face
Married life has many issues. You are truly efficient if you remain on top of these issues. Relationships can be complicated. You need some good training. You need to be well-equipped.
You went for training when you took up your university course. When you were in high school, you were trained in language, science, or mathematics. But did you get trained on how to handle marital issues? It’s highly likely your teachers never taught you how to be a good spouse. After all, marriage doesn’t come with an academic handbook or manual. No one warned you it was going to be this challenging. Marital issues can’t be measured in Celsius or Fahrenheit, though happiness can increase, children can multiply, and food can be divided.
Married life is unlike school life. When you pass the tests, you don’t get flying colors but happiness and good reasons to stay together. When you fail, you don’t get bad grades, but you get divorced. You only get trained as the issues come.
Some Common Problems Married Couples Face
The most common reason for infidelity is a person’s dissatisfaction with his or her spouse. According to a Reuters article, among the top passion-killers are weight gain, snoring, poor hygiene, poor bathroom habits, and lapsed fashion sense. Other passion-killers are nagging, blaming, irrational jealousy, and other unpleasant behaviors.
Sex is a bond shared by married couples. Lack of intimacy results to detachment, which in turn, results to boredom. One cause behind lack of intimacy is lack of time. Couples become too caught up in daily practicalities that they barely have time for each other or are too tired to do anything else after a hard day’s work.
3. Other Problems
Impotence and other health problems have a significant effect on the sexual aspect of the relationship, with the affected spouse not being able to get intimate. As a result, his or her spouse’s sexual needs are not met. Other problems that affect sexual behavior include insecurities and history of sexual abuse.
Inadequate funds have the potential to wreck a marriage wherein the couple’s income cannot suffice for the household expenses. Financial woes lead to arguments, insecurities, and other things which are unhealthy for the marriage. Some couples who have more than enough face a different set of issues – spending money on material things they don’t really need and on destructive habits like gambling and alcoholism.
Couples disagreeing and differing on how they should raise their children is not a rare scenario.
Couples who are in interfaith marriages may find it challenging to adjust to each other. As they have different preferences on matters of faith, some may find it hard to make compromises and establish a middle ground in the relationship.
Eventually, the honeymoon feelings wear off. Couples who mistakenly believe that marriage is all about sparks are in for a disappointment. Marriage holds a far deeper meaning than getting butterflies in the stomach. When the initial thrill is gone, and they settle into daily married life, many couples discover that marriage is not as rose-colored as they thought. But it doesn’t mean they can’t get the romance back forever.
Common Problems Married Couples Face should be sorted at the first warning signs
At the first warning signs of the issues above, it’s wise to act immediately. For instance, if you feel that romance is starting to slip off your fingers, do something to get a good hold of it and never let go.
Marriage doesn’t come with a manual, but remedies are always available to those who really seek them.
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