When couples start to have kids, they get caught up in the world of nappies, milk bottles, and schoolbags. Parenthood is a happy state, but it’s also one of the most challenging. It’s a lifelong vocation. You stay as parents even when the “kids” are fifty. When the milk can goes empty, the romance need not go dry. When your baby squeals, you and your spouse need not scream at each other. Having kids is supposed to make you love each other more, not tear you apart.
Here are simple ways how you can keep your marriage intact even when the tuition fees and the bills soar:
Spend some time alone.
Raising a family can be overwhelming. The pressures of providing and caring for the kids can take a toll on your marriage, leaving you and your spouse with little time for each other. It’s challenging to keep the romance going when you’re always busy and exhausted. It’s good advice to spend some time out together. Get someone reliable to watch your kids, even for just a few hours a month. Go out on a date with your spouse. Go to a movie, or check out the newest restaurant in town. Fish together. Feed the birds in the park together. Watch your favorite team play. Have fun in the ice skating rink even if you don’t know how to skate.
Have lunch dates together.
Although lunch isn’t nearly as romantic as dinner, the time spent together is what counts. You may think you now know everything there is to know about your spouse, but there may still be more interesting things you’ll learn about him or her while unhurriedly eating lunch.
Take the weekend off.
Plan your own getaway when the kids are spending the weekend with relatives. Take the opportunity to spend some time alone with your spouse. Remember, the chance to do so doesn’t come along everyday, or for this matter, every weekend. You don’t need to go somewhere exotic or exclusive. The camp at the town mountain park will do.
Talk after the kids have gone to bed.
Talk and unwind when the house is quiet and the kids are already asleep. This is the best time for you and your spouse to talk about your day, your concerns, or your plans. This is also a good time for you to simply share silly stories and have a good laugh together.
Keep the lines of communication open.
Oftentimes, relationships fail because of lack of communication. When you and your spouse are so caught up in the day-to-day realities, problems trickle in. The dishes pile up. The mountain of dirty laundry swells. The boss is making life hard for you at the office. The kids make mud paintings on the wall. You grow frustrated. You and your spouse drift apart. You begin to talk less until such time comes when you feel that you no longer know each other. Or if you do talk to each other, you really just shout and snap at each other. When you have good communication, you’re building on honesty. And honesty is one of the fundamentals of a strong marriage. Remember that good communication doesn’t only involve talking but listening to your spouse as well.
Staying married and raising kids may sound like two different concepts, but they’re really intertwined. Other people might disagree, but to be a good parent, you must be a good spouse first. If your relationship as husband and wife is strong, it doesn’t only do your marriage a favor, but your kids also get to share in the benefits. Remember, babies crying is part of the sweet loving.
Do you want children in your marriage?
This is a question posed by many marriage counsellors seeking to give some guidance to young couples in new relationships to prepare them for marriage and parenthood. Having children is a serious subject that must be agreed upon by both partners to ensure that conflicts will be avoided.
There are couples who were happily married but ended up ruining their relationship due to poor planning and indecisiveness over whether or not they would like to have children. Both partners are encouraged to openly speak to each other about their preferences regarding children to ensure they’re on the same track.
How many children do you want?
It’s not always easy in the early stages of a marriage for a couple to decide how large they want their family to be.
Raising a child is challenging – sleepless nights, visits to doctors, and so on. You have to be financially prepared to be a parent. Oftentimes, because they’re aware of the implications of having children on their finances, couples opt for a smaller family or decide not to have children at all or perhaps delay having children until they’re ready.
What are the implications of having
Romance and Intimacy
Having children brings priceless rewards but can be tough on the aspect of intimacy in a marriage. Because parents are caught up seeing to the needs of their children, they end up too tired to get intimate. At the end of the day, they don’t want to do anything else but rest. They neglect to share thoughts or cuddle up.
Parents are advised to find time for each other no matter what, because if their marriage crumbles, their children suffer with them. They shouldn’t neglect demonstrating their love for each other. Being loving spouses is an essential component in the process of child nurturing. Children of good relationships tend to grow into people with a healthy and balanced outlook.
A marriage that is devoid of tender loving care may produce children who will be prone to pursue unhealthy relationships in the future, in a bid to compensate for their unpleasant childhood. The majority of parents say that having children is one of the most fulfilling aspects of their lives. Sadly, some of them don’t feel the same about their marriage.
The existence of children doesn’t guarantee a happy or successful marriage. There are instances in which they cause separation or divorce. A couple whose relationship is unstable in the first place, aggravates the situation by having children. It’s very rare for both spouses to share the same views in every aspect of raising their family. Some marital problems and tensions take root from the couple’s differences regarding child-rearing, providing for their children, etc…
Time for each other
Both parents must ensure that they spend enough time together despite all the difficulties they face as a couple. As much as possible, a couple should have at least 30 minutes a day for each other to catch up on the day’s events. This is healthy for their relationship. Whatever is healthy for the parents is also good for the children.
Divorce and Children
When a married couple faces tough challenges, it’s not advisable to immediately consider divorce without sufficient cause. Their parents’ wrecked marriage can have a negative impact on the children emotionally, psychologically, and socially, especially when they’re very young. Work on your marriage if you feel that it can still be fixed, but base your decisions on what you personally feel rather than on pleasing others. “Staying together for the kids” may seem like the best thing to do initially, but bear in mind that the fact that you and your spouse have problems will resurface in the long run. Your children will be affected just the same. But then again, if you really feel that the issues can still be resolved and you still want to be together, fix your marriage.
Divorce or separation may end a couple’s obligations to each other, but not to their children. If you’re divorced and have left home, create a plan with your ex-spouse (even if you’re not on very good speaking terms) to enable you to spend time with your children. Show your children that you haven’t stopped being their parent. Stay positively involved in their lives. It will help lessen the negative impact of the separation on them.
Many couples decide to go separate ways because divorce is an option, but the best option there is is still to love each other and stay together for the right reasons.