Social scientists conclude that marriages often go through four stages. It is said that the stages are cyclic which means that couples tend to go through stages more than once. In each cycle of experiences, they understand the relationship better and learn more from each other. If needs are not met in a given stage, they can’t move to a new one, and they would be stuck in that level.
Stage 1: Passion, Affection, Adoration, and Love
In the first few months of any relationship, everything seems idyllic. Couples can’t get enough of each other and usually, this is the stage where they are inseparable. They see their spouse as the perfect one for them. Surprises and satisfying each other’s wants and desires are common at this point in time. Couples live in romantic bliss. They often share everything with each other at this level. They want to give the best to their partners. They tend to overlook their differences because they are too in love with each other.
Stage 2: Keeping Vows and Understanding Each Other
The intensity and excitement of Stage One may have a downside. They say the higher you fly, the more painful is your fall. After a few months of bliss, the bubble bursts, and couples may slowly find themselves getting bored. Stage Two is a more serious stage, where couples learn to take communication to the next level. This is where the relationship starts building, and couples mature in terms of understanding each other’s needs. They might start to see their differences at this level as they are developing deeper feelings for each other.
Stage 3: Defiance and Power Struggles
Now this may be one of the hardest stage couples must face. It’s a truth that they can’t please each other all the time. Eventually, they may hurt each other unintentionally and feel disappointed and frustrated. As they become more aware of their differences, sometimes they lose control and just explode in anger. The relationship may begin to see hurtful criticisms and heated arguments at this point. Spouses may now begin think that they have married the wrong person but really, a little more understanding may do the trick.
This is where their relationship is tested. Couples can learn to forgive and reconcile at this level, or they could stop and throw away everything they have. They’ll learn how to endure pain and hurt. A strong support system is needed as this time. They find themselves looking for freedom and want to be separated from the stressful circumstances.
Stage 4: Sweet Reconciliations and Starting Again
There’s always a solution to every problem, and there’s no relationship that couldn’t be fixed when the couple is determined to make it work. They need positive communication, honesty, trust, and commitment. Now that they’ve seen the vulnerabilities and the strengths of their partner, couples now have an idea what to avoid and what to change. They should never settle for a win-loss situation, instead struggle for a win-win situation where everyone can happy.
At this stage, spouses already know their partner’s good and bad side, and they have a new perspective of them. This time, they are more passionate with each other after overcoming an obstacle in their relationship. They will appreciate and respect each other more without taking anything for granted. They are now individuals who, after learning the value of togetherness, find the value intimacy without losing their individuality. For couples who have gone through a lot of challenges, it’s the sweet reconciliations that are irreplaceable.
Steps To Take When Stuck In The Rut Of Marriage
Driving on a Highway
Have you ever thought what you’re going to do if you find yourself stuck in a marriage rut ?
Suppose you’re driving down the road, and you think that the drive will be pretty smooth today. Suddenly, you meet trouble. Your car gets stuck in a rut. It seems nobody is coming to help you out. You’re stranded on a lonely highway.
The Car That Is Your Marriage
You and your spouse are travellers inside the car that is your marriage. The two of you are responsible for the smooth functioning of your relationship. To avoid the rut, both of you must be willing to take the route that you know will take you to a successful marriage. If you’re stuck in the rut at the moment, don’t waste time and discuss what you’ re going to do. Take immediate steps. Take the quick route out.
If you are stuck in a marriage rut try doing activities that you have not done before.
Detours and Stopovers
Try to take a detour. Do things you don’t normally do. If you can use your weekend with no kids, no TV, no music, and no work, then you can make time just for two of you. If you’re going away, just make sure your kids are safe and in good hands. If your work is crowding your mind too much or robbing you of life and romance, stop for a vacation. Surprise your spouse once in a while. Take him or her to places you’ve never been to. Don’t allow your marriage to be a predictable trip. Here are several tips on how to do that.
Letters and Letters
Write letters to your spouse. We aren’t simply talking about love letters here. You can also write down your concerns, fears, and whatever issues you think will be better communicated on paper than by mouth. Sometimes, some things are better written than said, better read than heard. Or why not try our Love Coupons and give them to your partner to use.
Being married to your spouse doesn’t make him or her an ex-date. Continue dating on a weekly basis or a few times a month. If money is an issue, remember that you don’t have to go to an expensive place to have a great date. Each other’s presence is a treat enough.
Ten Minutes Together Daily
This isn’t limiting the time you should spend with your spouse because you can spend as much time together as you want. But if your schedule is too hectic, spend at least ten minutes alone with your spouse everyday. Make the minutes count. Don’t waste them on arguments. You can use the time to take a walk together or to watch the sunset or to share stories about your day.
A Well-Oiled Car
If you’re doing the same things over and over everyday, the routine will certainly take its toll on your relationship. Make some changes. Take a different route sometimes. Take the table to the porch, and eat dinner while watching the stars . Dance. Develop a new hobby together. Keep your car well-oiled, so it will always run smoothly. Changing things up sometimes means sharing new experiences with your spouse. And that saves the relationship from going stale.
You do not have to be stuck in a marriage rut
Planning For A Smooth Future
There will always be challenges down the road that you feel you’re not prepared for. Nobody said that marriage would always be a downhill ride.What you should work on is how to keep your car in good condition so that it will withstand whatever challenges it will meet along the way. Major issues should never become huge stumbling blocks for your marriage. Check for little nicks before they become problems. Ride on into the future with confidence.
Identifying major marriage issues and how to deal with them
With the rate of divorce and separations rising with every dawning day, there are many marriage issues that one cannot simply ignore. Ignoring these issues will only work to the quick destruction of the marriage relationship something that will create long lasting heartbreak affects the involved couples. One can, however, be able to mend the relationship progressively by resisting the temptation to ignore these marriage issues when they arise.
To be able to deal with the marriage issues amicably, one will have to understand what they are and the impact they have on the relationship. It is always effective when you are fighting an enemy you know rather than beating your punches against the air. There are many marriage issues as outlined below, but the truth of the matter is that every marriage is unique, just as every couple is unique.
one of the many challenges that couples have in a marriage is with communication
- One of the main marriage issues dogging many couples today is the issue of communication. This can be said to be a result of great dynamics between the husbands and wives as they are created. Men are generally the “quieter” lot, while women have a lot to say concerning life and issues. It is unfortunate that many couples do not know how to handle these dynamics, leading to a whole lot of marriage issues. A couple must learn the best way to communicate with each other if the marriage is to work. Husbands should learn how to listen to their wives more as the wives learn how to handle the personality of the husband.
Learn to forgive in order to help resolving your marriage issues
- Some marriage issues today are a result of lack of forgiveness. While couples should mature more and develop some positive traits progressively, it is bad to expect your spouse to be perfect. Issues that have been solved and discussed should be let go of and not revisited again. Avoid rehearsing your spouse’s mistakes at a later date after they have been solved.
Lack of money another source that creating lots of marriage issues and creates clashed in a relationship
- Money is another source of grave marriage issues today. Many marriages have crumbled and couples parted way simply because they could not agree on matters to do with finances. Some argue on the way money is spent, while others stress, since they feel like what they have is not enough. Couples should plan their finances together and avoid trying to live beyond their means. This will help in easing the pressure on the marriage and this will definitely put a lot of marriage issues to bed. Talk about your finances freely and not only on how to spend, but also how you earn the money that you need.
Your marriage issues it’s your privet issues no need let other to interfere in your relationship
- Avoid allowing other people to come between you as a couple. In-laws and friends can be a source of many marriage issues and the space they are allowed to have in your marriage should be very minimal. While you cannot shut them out completely, you should know what to let in from them as well as how to filter their words and influence on either of you. They are good, but remember this is not their marriage, it’s yours.
There are dozens of other marriage issues which, if not handled carefully, could lead to divorce or separation, a route that you would not want to travel. That, which you cannot solve alone, invites other mature couples or professionals to help you.
Categories: Can A Marriage Be Saved?, Causes Of Divorce, Causes Of Marital Failure, Challenges Of Interracial Marriages, Common Marital Problems, Common Mistakes Interfaith Couples Make, Keeping Your Marriage, Making Marriage Work, Ways Of Making Marriage Work Tags: Common Marital Problems, Divorce, effects of a happy relationship, Fix Marriage, marriage conflict, marriage difficulties, marriage issues, Relationship Problems
Interesting Ways of Restoring Trust in a Marriage
The value of restoring trust in a marriage
Understanding the essence of trust: First step in restoring trust in a marriage
Trust gives freedom to an individual in ultimately dealing with others. It lets go of one’s inner self to be ready to share or take part of the others’ life, thus giving them the right to be involved. You become free from concerns, doubts and other negative emotions towards other people, enabling you to fully commit and understand one another without establishing a wall in between or hiding and over-protecting oneself.
Once you and your spouse discuss and provide time to analyse the essence of trust, the feelings for each other will be mutual, restoring trust in a marriage.
Earning trust: Second step in restoring trust in a marriage
One can receive trust from others, yet it is not given instantly and unconditionally; an individual must initially prove and deserve to earn it.
How can you insist your spouse trust you if you have not delivered on your promises? Or when you have
been harsh when your spouse admits a fault? Trust must come and commence on oneself before expecting others to give it to you, once both of you acknowledge each side, trust will grow gradually in a relationship.
Being true to your spouse: Third step in in restoring trust in a marriage
Truth hurts, but is constantly better than telling lies to your spouse’s face; therefore one must be careful and secure what you have, through avoiding factors that may destroy it; like having an affair, or deception. Many relationships and marriages have been saved for the reason that both couples agreed to maintain honesty with each other even when it involved painful truths.
Giving up is not a solution: Final step in restoring trust in a marriage
Once trust had been destroyed, the experience from it is painful and might also be so traumatic that one can’t move on easily nor may commit again. It may even cause one to withdraw from loving.
Although trust is fragile like a crystal, it can always be restored by means of putting in much effort and attention to find a solution. But bear in mind, apologising is only the beginning of establishing and in regaining trust; one must be serious in making changes and in assuring that the damage will never happen again.
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