Overcoming Jealousy In A Marriage

Feeling jealous in a relationship is normal. It usually means that the person cares. However, extreme jealousy is not healthy. Take for example, you see your partner talking to someone else, and you immediately start a scene.

Jealousy doesn’t just come from nowhere. It is grounded on the person’s feelings of inferiority and insecurity. People tend to be jealous when they fail to see their worth. They feel inadequate to deserve to be loved. They easily doubt their partner’s faithfulness. They lack confidence and are not proud of who they are. They think they always fall short when compared to others. These are negative feelings and thoughts, unhealthy for the relationship.

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Jealousy is common among married couples. Simply seeing their partners talking to someone of the opposite sex can trigger this feeling. Sometimes, jealousy isn’t only felt towards other people. Some get jealous of their own children. This occurs when one’s partner spends more time with the kids rather than with him or her. An example would be when there’s a new baby in the family. Mothers or wives spend all their time taking care of the newborn and tend to forget the husband.

Jealousy can yield positive results if it prompts you to examine your relationship and talk to your partner. Stay calm. Don’t let your feelings destroy your relationship. Use them to assess yourself and your marriage.

There are two kinds of jealousy: reactive jealousy and suspicious jealousy. Reactive jealousy is the objective kind of jealousy. The feeling has a basis. This is the type where you have solid proof of your partner’s unfaithfulness. On the other hand, suspicious jealousy is the subjective kind of jealousy. Thoughts and feelings are not based on anything but suspicions. Suspicious jealousy is an illogical, biased, and destructive type of jealousy. The fear of being dumped and replaced consumes the person. Doubting your partner’s faithfulness all the time without basis only displays your insecurity and distrust of him or her.

The following are five steps on how to handle jealousy:

•    Put mind over heart.

Learn to control your emotions. Keep calm even when truth hurts. It will allow you to think of solutions more clearly. Don’t do anything in anger. You will surely regret it.

•    Seek the truth.

For jealousy to be rational, it should be based on facts. More often than not, feeling jealous is NOT necessary. Your baseless insecurities have the potential to destroy your relationship. So find ways to find the truth rather than let the wrong feelings consume you unnecessarily.

If truth proves you right, have a sincere talk with your spouse. Be open about how you feel, and stay calm enough to think of and act on solutions.

•    Seek guidance.

Talk to someone who can make a judgement without bias. This can be a trusted friend, family member, or a co-worker. He or she may view things differently and provide wisdom without being subjective.

•    Have a sincere talk. 

Shouting at each other or arguing isn’t sincere talk. Communication is important in every relationship. Openness, honesty, and willingness to solve any issue are the keys to making the marriage work. Truth brings peace.

If you aren’t sure of what to talk about, or you don’t know where to start, write your thoughts first. Listen and learn from each other. Learn to forgive and move on though it can be hard. Taking your marriage one day at a time will help you through tough times.

•    See a counsellor.

Seeking a counsellor will help you take your relationship to a different level. You can talk to him or her about everything – your insecurities, doubts, fears, etc…He or she will guide you every step of the way towards a better you and a better marriage.

Having feelings of jealousy is normal, but it can be destructive. The situation is handled best when you have the right attitude and you know how to control your emotions.

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