“No man is an island.” This saying only means one thing and this is the fact that people are meant to create relationships with each other. Oftentimes, when we have a relationship with another person, whether it’s a simple friendship or a marriage, we get so close to each other we forget that we are not the same person.
This is where the problem starts especially in marriage. When a marriage is quiet and doesn’t seem to have any problems you should probably take another look at your marriage. The problem is that one of you might have lost their identity along the way.
On the other hand, when there is too much fighting and disagreement in a marriage, this can also be a problem. Couples find it hard to stay happy in a marriage where there are just way too many conflicts. There is a blurred line to actually identify if your marriage needs counselling. But when you see that your partner is suffering in the relationship to the point of depression, this is a clear sign that you need counselling.
Your problems can also be caused by basically anything that affects your relationship. It could be tension in the family, financial stability, sickness, trouble with career growth and so on. You don’t have to limit the problems to the two of you as individuals. You must also recognise that there are other factors involved.
Once you have identified the road-blocks in your marriage, such as less sexual intimacy or lack of communication, the task is in your hands. It’s important that at least one takes the initiative to seek marriage counselling. If you cannot seem to reason with your spouse, you can still go and visit the counsellor on your own. From there you will be guided by a professional and you can start addressing the problem your marriage is currently facing.
Importance of Marriage Counselling
Does it Work Well?
If you find that your marriage is experiencing a lot of problems, you should seek professional assistance. You can either seek the services of a counsellor or consult a psychiatrist.
You will get some answers to the questions regarding how one can make the most of the services offered by marriage counselling centres.
Take a look at the questions mentioned below:
Get married at an early age?
Are you a college graduate?
Do you come from a low-income group?
Are you in an inter-faith marriage?
Are your parents divorced?
Do you have a habit of criticising?
Is there a lot of defensiveness in your marriage?
Do you have a habit of withdrawing from your spouse?
Are you feeling content with your partner?
If you answered “Yes” to any or all of the above questions, you are indeed at high risk of divorce.
If you act in a positive manner, you will get the same from your spouse. Efficiency to communicate well with your spouse, ability to eliminate skirmish in your marriage and your interest to help your spouse in all their dealings, will add to the chance of avoiding the ultimate decision of divorce.
How Effective is Marriage Counselling?
One thing is very clear. The professional marriage counselling provides will have a positive impact and reduce the risk of divorce. So it is better to get the advice from a reliable source.
Let’s set aside the facts obtained from some study on marriage counselling that marriage counselling is not as effective as what you think.
Young couples, couple subjected to therapy, those who are still in love, and those who are not interested in sex are people who can make of marriage counselling.
But those who have waited too long before seeking help have the least chance of making the most of their marriage counselling.
See the Happy Couples. Seek their Help from Marriage Counselling
According to Gottman some people are very efficient in handling their disagreement and resentment due to their affection and friendship. They can easily manage the problems arising out of either silly or severe stresses.
Gottman’s remark under this context is important. He says that rather than trying to change the marriage, if communication skills are taught to them, there may be a steep diminishing number in marriage cases.
So go to seek professional marriage counselling or a marriage course before the problem gets any bigger.
The Pros and Cons of Marriage Counselling
These days, marriage is almost always taken for granted. Given that the divorce rate is continuously rising, it seems that as an institution, marriage is in deep trouble. When a couple enters a commitment, they have nothing but pure intentions for each other. Then troubles come and start to damage the relationship, and nothing seems to go as they initially planned.
Marriage counselling has existed since the 1950s, and it was developed on the idea that separation is simply not an option. People constantly encounter problems in almost all aspects of their lives, and this is no excuse to simply end a marriage.
There are speculations that have been brought up over the topic of marriage counselling, and some believe that this is not foolproof process.
Here are some of the pros of marriage counselling:
• It can help you identify the roots of your issues.
When you start off with a relationship, everything seems fresh. But as time goes by, problems come without you fully understanding where they’re coming from. Then you neglect little things, and small issues pile up into big problems. You reach a point when you want to resolve everything, but it’s hard to figure out where to begin.
• It helps you have a deeper understanding.
There are always two sides when it comes to fighting and resolving issues. Through marriage counselling, you’re able to gain a deeper understanding of what your spouse is going through, which is quite impossible t0 achieve on your own when you have heated arguments and high emotions all the time.
Here are some of the cons of marriage counselling:
• Dependence – Unfortunately, some couples become dependent on the therapy to resolve all their issues. They fail to walk on their own, and they end up constantly going back to counselling and are unable to resolve anything together.
• Last Resort – When couples finally agree to go to a marriage counsellor, their relationship is too damaged, and the option for marriage counselling is only an afterthought.
• Two To Tango – You can’t expect marriage therapy to work when only one of the spouses is willing to cooperate. Seeking a marriage counsellor must be a decision agreed upon by both spouses. Both must be willing to work hard for their marriage.
• Compromise – Going to a marriage counsellor helps couples develop skills to resolve issues on their own. There are certain adjustments that they have to make to achieve their goal, adjustments that seem like sacrifices for some.
There are two sides to every story and before you seek marriage counselling, you must first consider the pros and cons that you’ll have to deal with during the process. As long as you’re willing to tough it out and make things work, then going for marriage counselling is the next step to take if you have issues in your marriage.
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